when the darkness falls no one will hear you scream
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Lightdark

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wtf [16 Nov 2005|10:54pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

why the hell does everyone think im going after tracy im just her fucking friend nothing more damnit stop accusing me of shit i havent did

1 comment|Slit my throat

[16 Nov 2005|06:06pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

when the truth over powers your dreams you are left there to rot and hold on to your dreams in the dusty palms of your hands............. You try and wish them back but as your eyes start to water and you feel the warm liquid running down the side of your face........... you reliaze that they are nothing but dust in the wind. life then has no meaning or no reason to fuction anymore. You say to yourself that you can no longer go on with out your hopes or dreams.....the dust in your palms............. but then you make new ones.......some of them become what you want them to be yet most of them becomes dust again........ the cycle goes on till you can no longer see whats in front of you........... till you are blinded by the dreams that you make for yourself........till you know longer care for anyone but your own success or your own happiness.............while you are on this trip you leave the ones you care for behind leaving them to turn into dust

Slit my throat

long talk [16 Nov 2005|09:28am]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Im the one- Static-x ]

wow me and tracy had a long talk and it was full of laughs here it is if you want to read it[info]tcc_mad_hatter

Slit my throat

holy crap that took a load off my mind [15 Nov 2005|01:07pm]
[ mood | happy ]

so yeah something was bugging me all day so i called tracy's mom around what noon and told her what is going on and yeah according to her tracy is fed up with cassie bullshit.......when i heard her say that i was like whoa say what......... soo yeah.....plus she was like you are never bugging tracy everytime you call she is right there going ooooo who is it is it for me............so yeah that put a smile on my face.........i guess tracy is really mad wow........Plus she doesnt get introuble when i call so that was like a plus so yeah im glad tracy told me not to listen to cassie till i hear it from her......im like so happy right now......


I drew my self as the crow and i have it on my computer and im inking it so yeah....it should be done close to the end of the week hopefully and ill show you guys it ^_^ and plus its raining so i took like a hour and a half walk around campus just walking in the rain.......if i had my cd player i would be singing in the rain too...:p

Slit my throat

Reclaim my place............................He's back [13 Nov 2005|10:24am]
[ mood | rejuvenated ]
[ music | KoRn-Twisted Transistor ]

Im going back to my roots to find myself again...........Im drawing more and playing more video games............and the funny things is that i never had to find myself in the first place....i was standing right in front of me the whole time.........it was that other people were getting infront of him...........now no one is in front of him and i see him looking back at me.......he is giving me my strengh that i thought i lost when other people took his place......no more.....No longer will i let anyone take his place.........no one will take over my darkside.......he's the reason i have survied this long..............This is me.....this has always been me....and everyone that knows me knew that i have kept him dorment for a long time.............well he is free once again......and you knew that one day it would come again..................im back........and nothing is getting in my way of what i want.............

2 comments|Slit my throat

I try and I try and I try and nothing ever seems to get done [12 Nov 2005|04:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Cassie (11/11/2005 9:04:34 PM): I don't want to talk about it if it's going to make you so sad again
Cassie (11/11/2005 9:04:40 PM): I'm sick of upsetting you all the time
tein_48111 (11/11/2005 9:04:44 PM): you see i have kept everything inside since the begaing....you always said that i couldnt give you the simple things in a realtionship that it was hurting you...........................i never had the simple things..the only time was when
tein_48111 (11/11/2005 9:04:52 PM): im not going to get sad
Cassie (11/11/2005 9:04:55 PM): it makes you sick and it makes me sick and then Jarron gets pissed off and then he gets sick
tein_48111 (11/11/2005 9:04:59 PM): i promise you with everything
tein_48111 (11/11/2005 9:05:05 PM): im not gonna get sad
tein_48111 (11/11/2005 9:06:06 PM): you see i have kept everything inside since the begaing....you always said that i couldnt give you the simple things in a realtionship that it was hurting you...........................i never had the simple things..the only time was when i was down there.........so i knew more about what you were going through......................i wanted to get down there and hold you more then anything..................i wanted the simple things that you have tasted before but i never had.........................


tein_48111: hes doing everything i cant do and it hurts.....it fucking hurts knowing that...........and i cant do anything about that but go one with life knowing someone is doing a hell of a better job then what you could only "Wish" of doing.................but im still here im still trying to get through this...............im tough then what i tought
tein_48111: i envy you two because i know that i will never get a chance to do that with anyone..................no one loves me...............so how can i ever do that
Cassie: you need to love yourself first Ray
tein_48111: ive learned to love myself cassie or else i wouldnt be here today
Cassie: I'm telling you that, why won't you listen??
Cassie: make yourself happy, love yourself
Cassie: others will follow
Cassie: look at me, everyone freaking loves me, whether it's as friends or more
Cassie: not enough
tein_48111: are you kidding me..........i happy with the way i am...........i wouldnt change my self for anything..............
tein_48111: everyone tells me how sweet i am or how thought full i am or how much i sacerfice myself for others
Cassie: I gotta go
Cassie: I'm tired
Cassie: goodnight
Cassie: bye
tein_48111: we still need to talk cassie
Cassie: m tired



only four people have ever told me they love me and that was ellen cassie and two guys......nothing is wrong with the guy part......hell lately ive been thinking of drive to one of the guys house and knocking on his door and as soon as he opens i was gonna start making out with him...............that is if he ever stops working and playing WoW.........think about you know who you are...............or you atleast you should know who im talking about

4 comments|Slit my throat

the truth and nothing but the truth [04 Nov 2005|07:35am]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | Fight Club ]

"Guys what do you wish to do before you die?"
"Paint a self-portrait."
"Build a house."
"And you?"
"I don't know. Now get in the right lane."
"I have to know the answer to this question."
"If you would die right now, how would you feel about your life."
"I dont know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life. Is that what you wanted to here. Fine."
"Not good enough." .............

"Look at you. Your fucking pathetic."
"Why? Why? What are you talking about.".............

"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go."



now can you tell me which one i am.......................

Slit my throat

the first time i teamed up [02 Nov 2005|10:57pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

ok so this picture ellen drew but i colored it and added the background so i hope you injoy it and if its to small sorry i tried :(    ;-;

picture )

1 comment|Slit my throat

im so alone [01 Nov 2005|05:14pm]
[ mood | pissed off and crying ]

why the hell im i the one that is alone when everyone says they love me...and why do other people have to make me feel alone prime example

Iluvfridays0321 (4:32:13 PM): my dad says i talk to you too much and the "every day thing" has got to stop so maybe i'll be on every few days or so...

This is starting to get real fucking annoying and it hurts when it happens. it just proves no one fucking likes me and i dont know what to do.....

right now i just want to die...then maybe for once in my life i might be at peace and no longer in pain

3 comments|Slit my throat

side note [31 Oct 2005|02:04pm]
[ music | jeremy hotz ]

if you will be nice be her friend [info]evilheart321

Slit my throat

the honest truth [31 Oct 2005|01:36pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

last night everyone was drunk but me......and i needed to here a voice so i asked cassie to talk to me, she said that she would always be there for me when i need it,......and she said she can't.......at that point i reliazed just how alone i am in this world

10 comments|Slit my throat

new news [30 Oct 2005|11:59am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | More human than human-White Zombie ]

well me and ellen aren't gonna go out but she says that her best friend still likes me and i still like her so she is trying to hook us up.. it will be easier because ellens best friend's mom likes me and its easier like that.

3 comments|Slit my throat

[29 Oct 2005|09:47am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Mitch Hedberg ]

so i might take ellen to the mall today and take her friend karen..i hope her dad lets me...any way i promised to show my new character. Now i dont have a name for him dispite the fact that you will see a name there.. i just use that name all the time till i think of a name for the character

You can help me name him

 

my new character )

2 comments|Slit my throat

o my fucking god no way [28 Oct 2005|06:26pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]
[ music | maburaho- episode 1 ]

ellen just found me on myspace and we talked and talked....she says that she has been searching for me for five months and that she loves me....I was like fuck yeah but play it cool....i mean hell yeah i love her i loved her for a long as time..im gonna start planning to take her out to the movies some time...hmmmmmmm yeah i want to do that....fuck it was so good to hear her voice again...shit yeah...

2 comments|Slit my throat

oooooooooooooooo ssssnnnnnnaaaaaaappppppp *breaks a peice of wood* [28 Oct 2005|12:46pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Duality-Slipknot ]

i have just came up with a new character and i ripped him straight out of my emotional area.....once i fine tune him up try and guess what area he cam from XD


and yes i only draw guys because girls are just to damn hard for me :p

Slit my throat

[27 Oct 2005|05:36pm]
[ mood | Happy ^-^ ]
[ music | Blue Monday-Orgy ]

O snap i bought the crow wricked prayer yesterday and watched it. It was better then i thought but it went really fast...rate get it if you like The Crow or you want the collection

 

 

pictures i drew meeee i did it I did it alll it was allll meeeeeee )

5 comments|Slit my throat

*sigh* [27 Oct 2005|05:53am]
[ mood | sick ]
[ music | last train home- lostprophets ]

i just want someone to talk to me that wont leave after a while

3 comments|Slit my throat

WOW 0_o [26 Oct 2005|02:15pm]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Last Train Home-Lost Prophets ]

its amazing how much one song can cange your whole outlook on life. The song Last Train Home by Lost Prophets is such a good song to help you just forget the pain and laugh again. I have been listening to that song all day from eleven o clock to now and when i get home i will listen to it In my psych class people were amazied that I evened laughed because and I quote "I knew even seen you smile once." Well now you did and it makes me feel good that i think i made a friend out of that class. I can only hope

Slit my throat

[24 Oct 2005|09:02pm]
[ mood | emotionaly drained ]
[ music | Its been awhile-Staind ]

What's your name?: Ray Thornsberry

Any nicknames?: shinya

How old are you?: 19

Forget your real age - Characteristically how old would you say you are?: 50

Are you male or female?: Male

What do you look like (Yes I know you have 2 arms and legs)?: dark brown hair, eyes are blueish green, 5'6 140 soemthing pounds

What do you do for a living?: Student

Would you rather be doing something else?: yes spending time with cassie and my friends

Do you have any siblings? If so how many and how old are they?: 2. 21,13

Tell me one thing about yourself no one else knows:: i get hurt easily

Still About You Just A Little More Random::

Have you ever done anything someone else would call crazy?: I burt my hand for 3 mins

You mentioned how you look above...would you say it suits you?: i guess

What characteristic would you say is uniquely you?: My Eyes

What can you do physically that you believe makes you stand out?: not feel physical pain

What is the one thing about yourself that you are most critical of?: Emotions

What is the one thing about yourself that you are most proud of?: my neverending love

What would you say is your greatest accomplishment?: finding someone that paid attention to me and cared for me

Describe your personality in 5 words only::: depression, lonlyness, sadness, sensitive

Look at yourself from a friends perspective. Describe in 5 words: depression, caring, funny, sweet, happy


Is there anything you would change about yourself? What is it?: my ability to make people happier

What would you never change about yourself? Why?: me being the way i am because it has gotten me this far

Are you a good friend? In what way do you think so?: I donno very few talk to me now

Do you believe in second chances?: yes

Who do you look up to most?: no one

Do you enjoy being the center of attention or do you prefer to blend in?: just blend in

You go somewhere and know no one, do you mingle or wait to be approached?: wait to be approached

What do you think is completely unforgivable?: giving someone a broken heart.....

Have you done anything "unforgivable"? Have you been forgiven?: Im being an ass to cassie and i hate it

Wierd Info-Share::

Are you superstitious?: somewhat

Can you do anything wierd with any of your body parts?: make my pinky bones scratch against eachother

Have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex?: no but i want to

If you were an animal what would you be?: If it can be fictional a dragon if not a Tiger

Could this animal be tamed (aka: Can YOU be tamed)?:not even on my last breath

You are laying in bed, what is on your right-hand side? Whats on your left?: nothing. nothing

What is the first thing you do when you get up in the morning?: another day of lonlyness

What are your top 5 peeves?: being agnored, being treated like crap, stupid people, assholes, me

What are your top 5 fetishes?: biting, being tied up and tieing some one else up, chains

How long does it take you to get out of the shower/bathroom?: 45 min.

How long would you say it takes you to get ready for a date?: 45 mins

Are your nails real or fake?: real

What is the last thing you will share with anyone?: My feelings

What is your beauty regime (aka: What is your beauty routine)?: i have none now expect gel in the hair

What is your favorite scent?: Cassie

Are you a neat-freak or a "leave it where it lands" sort of person?: leave it where it lands

Regardless of your gender which are you most comfortable with?: men

What will you most likely compliment the opposite sex for?: their eyes

You don't love either, but who would you marry your friend or your lover?: lover

Do you shower or bathe?: shower

How long do you tie up the shower/bathroom for?: 45 min

What is your post-shower/bath routine?: turn on music ,sit down and think

Have you ever worn anything two times in a row?: ya and it was weird becaue i didnt want to get out off them

Do you bite your nails?: yes

What is your most attractive attribute?: Cassie said my eyes no one else paid attention to me

What body part would you say people notice first about you?: i donno

Would you change anything about your body? What?: my scars

Is there anything you are most associated with (Smelling great-etc...)?: dressing up like the crow

What's in your bag/purse?: pencils, books and my drawing book

What do you NOT leave home without?: may wallet

Bring On The Grub (Food):: food where who what huh

How many kinds of cereal are there in your pantry?: non got sick eating the last bit

Describe the perfect sandwich::: big mac

What is the last thing you would eat no matter how hungry you were?: squid

Do you watch how you eat when you are around people or could you care less?: yeah you dont want to eat like a cow infront of people

What is the last thing you ate?: i cant remember 4 days ago

If you could have anything to drink right now what would it be?: a beer

Create the ultimate dish, what is it, and who would you make it for?: i would make a chicken salad for cassie

The dishes are dirty - Who does them?: Me

What was wierdest food combo you have eaten?: ranch and petzles (sp)

Do you have any wierd cravings?: sometimes

What is your favorite candy?: nothing really

You have only one candy/chocolate left...who do you give it to?: Cassie

Are you a heavy sleeper or a light one?: Light

Which do you prefer: Night or day?: Night The darkness and the shadows will protected me from everyone else

You just got home from work/school - sit on the pc and wait for people to get on so i can finally talk to someone

What is your favorite quote? Why?: "Alone I walked into this world alone I will leave it." Because its happing.

What is your favorite smell (rain,grass,gasoline,lighter fluid)?: Cassie

Choose one sense (touch,sight,taste,hearing,smell):: Why?: sight because i want to see beautiful

What is your most cherished childhood memory?: I had to grow up to fast to have one

What was your favorite stuffed animal as a child?: my teddy bear i still have that is 19 years old too

Who was your best childhood friend - Nick he's my bro

Where would you be if you weren't where you are right now?: honeslty? sitting by cassi pouring my heart out

Which could you live without::Emotion or Intelligence?: Intelligence

If you had to sell one, which would it be your body or your soul?: my body

What is your signature cuss word?: i dont know anymore (can you tell me)

What in your opinion was the ultimate cartoon growing up?: Ren and stimpy

What don't they air anymore and you think they should bring back?: Invader Zim

Who is your favorite person?: Cassie

Who is your least favorite?: Right now Jarron...who knows latter on

Choose 5 friends to take with you to a deserted island:: Who are they?: Cassie, Nick, Ant, Joe and his wife

Which breakfast cereal are you?: Golden Grams

If you weren't doing this what would you be doing instead?: sleeping since there is no reason for me to stay up anymore

This Or That::

Sunrise or Sunset?: Sunset

Loving or Being IN love?: Being in love

Intelligence or Humor?: Humor

Funny & Plain or Exciting & Superficial?: funny and plain

Going to bed late or Sleeping in late?: Going to bed late

Eggs:: Runny or Scrambled?: scrambled

Potato chips or Corn chips?: Patato chips

A long hug or A short kiss?: long hug

Comfortable or Sexy?: cmofortable

Romance:: Exhilerating & Short or Long-lived & 'Dependable'?: Long-lived & 'Dependable'

Just For The Heck Of It::

Which element would you say describes you (fire,water,air,earth)?: Fire

Pick a salad dressing that just "makes the salad"::: ranch

What was the last dream you are annoyed you didnt get to finish?: ........

Let's Talk About Love:: Fuck you

Do you know the difference between loving someone and being in love?: yes

*See previous question* Do you believe there really is a difference?: yes

Have you ever been in love? What does it feel like to you?: Cassie, she was everything to me she showed me a reason to live and why i should live

Has your perspective on love changed over the years?: yes so many times

Do you fall in love easily?: yes

Would you say you guard your heart?: yes

So tell me...are you loveable?: I like to think so

Briefly - What do you want out of a relationship?: love

Briefly - What do YOU bring into a relationship?: all i have to give

Do you believe there is a difference between fate and destiny?: yes

*See previous question* Do you believe you are in charge of either of them?: no

Do you know who you want? If so who is it?: Cassie......

Can you see yourself with this person in 5 years?: I did....

Could you see yourself settling down with this person?: I still do.........

Do you believe in 'soul-mates'?: yes

Is this person yours (Your soul-mate)?: I thought so.........

In 10 words:: How do you feel about this person?: She was the love of my life and was my soul

Feel like you learned something from someone?: yes

You fought with someone? About what?: Cassie....about breaking up.....

Heard a song that actually spoke to you?: many

Showed someone how you truly feel and felt words werent needed?: yes

You hugged someone for absolutely no reason?: yes

You told someone you were sorry and meant it?: yes

You did something humiliating?: always

You did something mean?: always

Someone called you just to say "Hi"?: yeah i do with cassie and mandie

You let someone see you at your worst and felt fine with it?: Cassie and she told me not to do anything and that is why im still here....

You did something just for the heck of it?: burned my hand for 3 mins

Let yourself cry?: when cassie broke up with me...........

Told someone you appreciated them?: Cassie all the time

You met someone and felt it was the best thing that ever happened to you?: Cassie

You said "Thank you"?: i dono

You fell in love?: With cassie.......

Enjoyed your own company?: never

Read a good book? What book was it?: X-men The Chaos Engine Trilogy book 1

Watched a really good movie? What movie was it?: Fight club just a few mins ago

Finish This Sentence::

I want::: to be back with cassie...

I wish that::: i could have that

The one thing that bothers me::: Im alone now

I think:::

_______makes me laugh::: stupid people

I am in love with::: Cassie.....

I love::: Cassie.....

You can't define::: Love

The only way to succeed is::: try your hardest

Emotions are::: the greatest and worst gift

Hallmark cards are::: scary

Karma is::: pain ful.

Home is where::: you make it

I regret::: handling things the way i did

Tomorrow I will::: try and be happy...if i can....

_______pisses me off::: Jarron

Now For Some Music::

Write the first sentence of a song that describes your life::: Everytime I reach for love its taken away


What song do you swear was written about your life?: Every korn Song

What song do you believe will be played at your wedding?: i dont know now........

What song describes you when you are upset?: alone i break by korn

What song would you not be caught dead listening to?: pop

Write the last sentence of the song that describes your relationships::: And its been a while since i said that i was sorry

More on YOU::

What dessert are you?: chocolate syrup and strawberries

Would you rather tell someone how you feel or show them?: show them

Someone kneels before you - What do you say?: this cant be happing

Do you have any unfinished business with anyone?: I don't think so

What do you want to remembered by?: whatever you want to remember me by

You overhear a friend talking about you - What is she/he saying?: you could have staped me in the chest and not the back

Are you straight-forward or do you beat around the bush?: straight forward

What is friendship?: a person that is there no matter what happends

This quiz is over::

React::: How do you feel?: better

Would you subject others to this quiz?: yes

If so why? If not then why not?: it let me get things off my chest

3 comments|Slit my throat

[23 Oct 2005|05:42pm]
[ mood | ignored ]
[ music | Blind-Korn ]

So you see I've gotten this far.
Please give me some place to worry.
I'm not trying to go there, so take me away.
Life sometimes pisses me off,
It's never a good trip for me.
Every time I reach for love, it's taken away.

Night! So I play.
Give me a sign this is day.
Give me some patience, so I pray.
It's time to die. Is that what I want?

There's nothing wrong wanting to be loved.
Is there something wrong with me?
For once in my life I'd like to be really set free.

Let me be me.

Night! So I play.
Give me a sign this is day.
Give me some guidance, so I pray.
It's time to die. Is that what I want?

Take me away.
Take it away.
Take me away.
Takin' it... away.

Night! So I play.
Give me a sign this is day.
Give me some patience, so I pray.
It's time to die. Is that what I want?

Night! So I play.
Give me the sign this is day.
Give me some guidance, so I pray.
It's time to die. Is that what I want?

Slit my throat

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